He didn't have to be

The other day I was at work and we were watching Walk Hard-the Dewey Cox story. Hilarious movie but there is this one part where Dewey's wife is leaving him and he says "you can take the children but you leave my monkey." It was a hilarious scene but my buddy at work struck up a more serious conversation about Fathers and responsibility. Now for those of you that have met my Dad you probably didn't know that he is not my biological Father. He and my mom split up when I was very young and now I have only the snapshots in my memory. I probably wouldn't recognize him if I bumped into him on the street. My Dad, Pete, is my dad... my Father. As we discussed my friends story I began to reflect upon my own family and I began to think about my Dad. I wonder what it would have been like to walk into the responsibility of two boys that were not yours. I wonder what I would have done in that same situation. I know I was a cute kid but cute only goes so far and parenting is for life. I look at my Dad and I see the mistakes he made as a parent. Young kids often look to blame the way they were raised. But one fact can't escape me as I grow up and have my own children. He didn't have to be a Dad to children that were not his and he certainly didn't have to stick around long after we ceased to be cute kids. He didn't have to Coach my soccer team or show up to my diving events or take me to work with him when I was younger. He didn't have to care. I mean lets be honest, Guys don't look for kids to raise...he was interested in my mom and we were just part of the package. But over 30 years later my Dad has stayed the course, and of all the lessons he taught me growing up, whether he realizes it or not, the greatest lesson has been unconditional love and commitment. I love hanging out with my Dad. We have alot of the same interests although I wish he liked the Niners more. You see I look at my Dad and I realize that sometimes in life people show you Christ like love, and you never even saw it coming. When I first got married, Wendy's relationship with God was not a priority, but if you were to look at the two of us. She exemplified the love and commitment of Christ far more than I did...and I claimed to be a believer. What can I say I married out of my league. As for my Dad, I realize that God has given me a reflection of himself in the face of my Father and that my biological Father was pushed aside by the Spirit so that my Dad could be part of my life. The foundation of my faith came from my Mother and Fathers insistence that I attend faith based schools and church on Sundays. Who knows what would have happened if things had not unfolded in the way they did. This is not to say that we didn't have our rough patches, but behind the conflict, I now see that whatever my Father may have done, he always wanted the best for us. There is a country song by Brad Paisley called "He didn't have to be" that encompasses the sentiment I have for my Dad. You can youtube it if you want and listen to the words. To my Dad, ever since the conversation on the back patio of my house I have prayed that you would understand that God has used you throughout my life. You have been an instrument of him. I cherish the relationship we have now and I am only just beginning to see life through your eyes...the eyes of a Father. I love you Dad.

Frick, Frack, and beyond

I am not sure about how other families do it but in large Italian families, cousins are like brothers and sisters. I love my brother and my sister in a way that is special and unique to them...but have always felt that I had this extended brother/sister relationship with my cousins. This bond between cousins is extremely strong. Allowing myself to think briefly about the stable of cousins that I have makes me proud and gracious that I have been blessed over the years. At different times of my life, I have been able to participate in these intense relationships that foster a feeling of love, loyalty, and safety. And the best part is no matter what the time or distance, I know I can count on them and they can count on me. As I get older, The amount of times I see my cousins gets less and less...that's life. And as I think about it, the biggest problem I have with it is that I don't get to be part of their daily lives and they don't get to be part of mine...maybe that's selfish. For example, my cousins Danny and Tahra have 4 children and the youngest one is named Blake. They are incredible kids and I hear stories from my mom who has visited over the years passed down through the two headed monster (inside joke). But I have only met my little cousin Blake one time. Now Marlow, my Godchild and Blake's older sister, was just a baby when they moved to Texas and I got to spend at least a little time with her, Reese, and Isabel. Now I realize that life gets busy, people move, grow up, get jobs, get married...and although we can tell stories, it's not the same, and Blake really doesn't know who I am. That was not the plan. When I was younger I was part of a dynamic duo known as Frick and Frack...I still don't know which one I am. The other Frick...or...Frack is Blake's father Danny and we were inseparable, all the way up through college and still today. The plan was that our children would be as close as we were when we grew up. We even have kids around the same age and when Reese was born at the same time as Tanner, we both considered it a blessing (and a curse). I talk to Danny every so often and it's always great, we always seem to pick up right where we left off like a couple kids peeing in the basement...guess you had to be there. But Blake doesn't know his cousin/uncle Matty.
And so we live in this real world where things don't always work out the way we thought. Being a kid person, I feel like I'm missing out. I have often thought about what makes up the glue that binds you to some people while others fall by the way side. Why is it that some relationships seem cemented into the foundation of who you are and others drift away? I don't know the answer but I do know that I must have extra sticky glue...and for that I thank God. I have been blessed with so many encouraging God filled relationships bringing me to the realization that I thrive on these tight knit friendships. I need them...I think we all do. This I believe is the reason that I miss Blake, even though he doesn't know me. I pray that God touches the lives of those who have allowed me to be part of them and I thank all of you for that sacred privilege. Frick...(or Frack) you know you are one of these people. Bonded together through time, trials, love, hope, and salvation in Christ. Distance doesn't change that. Give Blake an extra big hug and kiss. And know that I wish I could do it myself...

My cousin Kevin

To this point, I have avoided writing blogs about people because I felt that others might feel left out. The only blog about a single person has been about my mom (what can I say I'm a mamma's boy...proudly!). I could go on and on about special people in my life and those who I care very deeply about. And if they are that close to my heart, then they know that this post is both necessary and timely for me...

You see I have this cousin, brother really, Kevin. A few years back he took off to Nashville in order to chase a dream. I remember telling him he should go. You see Kevin and I knew everything about each other. Are dreams and ambitions, are love for family, and desire to raise our own. There are few people in this world I have laughed more with and also cried. He knows my fears and strengths. We've been through love and loss, laughter and tears, winning and losing. And as each chapter of our life has unfolded, there has never been a doubt that the other was just a phone call away. Kevin is one of those family members that everyone just loves. Charismatic and genuine since a young age...The ultimate people person, man do I have stories! Freinds joke about his ability to meet people, we call him the politician, always passing out lollipops and kissing babies. The rooster for the way he talks and walks, if you know him...you love him. Quick to hug and even quicker to loyally defend the people he cares about. You always know where you stand with him and I have always felt privileged to watch him grow up and be a part of his life. I know God is alive and well in his heart and he is always in my prayers. The Nashville life has kept him extremely busy...not just ordinary busy. He spends countless weeks on the road, and over the years I have spoken to him less and less. Now as busy as I have been, there is rarely a day that goes bye that I don't think about Kev. I always pray he's doing alright and I get updates through family that speak to him often. I know he reads this blog every once in a while so I have a message for him.

Cuz, If you where to run into me last week I probably would have punched you right in the face! You know why... It has been too long. But prayer and reflection have brought me to this place. In the background of your life, beyond the cheers you hear nightly is someone who could care less about the show. I cheer for you, hoping that God has touched your heart in a way that gives you contentment, happiness, purpose and meaning. Knowing you has affected who I am, and that imprint, and a shared love for God and family brings us to the reason I feel compelled to tell you that out here in California, you have a brother for life. Anytime...Anywhere you have always been able to count on me. Nothing has changed. No matter where you are, that is where God wants you. I miss you cousin. I love you and God Bless.

P.S. The next time you call me from the Brickyard it better be in order to tell me where you are meeting me.

The Transformation

I have spoken before about a transformation that takes place in ones life when they come to the realization that Christ's salvation is necessary. I am not bashful about sharing my own struggles and tribulations in this tug of war where as the spirit begins to change your heart and your mind, but your worldly self resists and you fall back into old habits. I have often thought people turn away from the message of salvation for all sorts of reasons...personal reasons, ideological reasons, issues of guilt, or most commonly deception. And I struggle sometimes in conversations with people because some of the empirical evidence for Christ is so compelling, it warrants serious consideration. But they have closed themselves off (ironically calling themselves open minded) to the information outside, and the internal knowledge they have suppressed in order to maintain their view of the world. So how does one get through? How do you convince people that don't want to be convinced? And I have the answer...you don't! The Apostle Paul is credited for writing 2/3 of the new testament. He is a stark example of Gods sovereignty and control. Paul or Saul before his commission was a man who believed that the disciples of Christ where traitors. He hated them and even sought permission from the high priest to gather all Christians to be imprisoned. He worked tirelessly to convict these Christ followers. Acts 9 says "Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the lord's disciples.(NIV)" But later on in the chapter on the road to Damascus, Jesus himself appears to Saul. In verse 15 the Lord tells Annias who knows exactly who Saul is, that Saul will be his chosen instrument to bring the gospel to the gentiles. What!? Yesterday he wants to kill every christian he can get his hands on but today he is the messenger that will carry the message of Christ to the gentiles. A Jewish saviours salvation for all who will believe. Annias even questioned God on this one. "Hey lord if this guy knows I am a christian he will throw me in prison."(Verse 13) Saul...hired by the priests to weed out Christianity becomes it's greatest apostle. Atheists, heretics, Satan worshipers...putty in the hands of an almighty God that chooses at will. Saul was the farthest thing from a christian that there was and God chose him. Incidentally go back to verse 7 and notice that there where 2 witnesses to the events on the road to Damascus. I guess you would need witnesses in order to convince the people you where trying to kill that you've suddenly switched sides. God thinks of everything. Fellow Christians, we are required to carry the message of Christ's salvation to all that will listen. But it is the work of God in ones heart that brings people to their conclusions about their own destiny. And furthermore as 2 Peter 3:9 points out. God is not saving in the abstract. It is not a group of people he is focusing on or an ideology or a religion. He is not waiting to return when he has enough believers. He is waiting for you and me. From dark to light, from disbelief to belief. Sovereign God of the Universe might just be waiting for you to plant the seed in the heart of the last conversion. Let the transformation begin.

The easy life

My life never seems to get easy. Fufilling, joyful, successful, exciting, rewarding, humbling, difficult, frustrating, challenging, and gracious...but never easy. It's odd, I think, that I look forward to the easier time in my life. Less bills, more money, less problems with family and freinds, more time for this, less time doing that...you know the easy time. Maybe next year or when this promotion comes or that schooling is over. When that person finally comes around and grows up, or that other person changes their ways, or when I move up, move out, or move on. Waiting for the next vacation or holiday. The next party or social event. The next big purchase or toy. The next step in life...a marriage, a job, kids, retirement. When all of the moons and stars align and you finally reach a point of contentment and life becomes easy. But that hasn't happened and although I have had moments of incredible joy and personal achievement, love, and growth. I have also had sorrow, pain, hurt, guilt, and shame in equal measure. And life doesn't get easy. I have also come to the realization that this craving for contentment and a sense of calm can only be filled permenantly by a relationship with Jesus Christ. I say permenantly because there are a whole lot of things that can deter your need for Christ. When my son was a toddler he had one of those shape cubes where you would insert different shapes into the cube...a star, a half moon, a square and so on. It didn't take long to figure out that you could slide some of the shapes throught the other slots even for grayson at two years old. There is a God shaped whole in each of us that can be filled with millions of other distractions. I know I must have tried 1000 different fillers before I found the only one that truly fits. And contrary to what has been said elsewhere, It is at that time that life truly becomes difficult, and easy. Confused? My experience has been that life with christ is a journey in which your old self must die and a new creation in CHRIST emerges. The difficult part is bearing the burden of allowing your old self to be killed off while the spirit transforms you. The easy part is that you don't have to do any of the work. Christ's work is sufficient and although I have not been sitting on the bench, any performance out on the field of life is a choice to let God do the work through me. I just need to remember to get out of the way sometimes. That doesn't jive with the conventional need for control and self reliance. And so the battle ensues. So as if I didn't have enough problems, I also have an internal battle for control where as I let God guide me through his ultimate wisdom...or I take the steering wheel and take my chances. Sounds like a blast huh. I left one part out. Because that God shaped whole is filled, true contentment is within sight. Difficulty has taken on new meaning and the love and peace I was missing out on has reached the forefront of my priority list through him. What matters in this life has taken on new meaning and urgency. For example when I got to see Lily for the first time I was moved to tears because of what she meant to Elissa and Kyle. I get so excited when I see my Aunt Russie and Uncle Michael I couldn't help but give her a kiss everytime I passed her. She probably thought I was nuts. When I hug... I let go last, I hugged Auntie MiMi for over a minute. I didn't want to let her go. I got to help my brother this weekend. We dug a pipe in his front yard. The truth is I could dig for the rest of my life and never come close to paying back all that he has done for me. I could not ask for more. I talk to my Dad at least once a week. I wish he realized how much his phone calls mean to me. He always seems to call at a time where it's needed. I long to spend time with Nic, a close relationship over the years has become closer and I cherish our talks. I miss those people that I don't get to see more intensely than I ever have, and I love more deeply and more compassionately. Maryn...words couldn't contain the love I have for you...I wish, I pray, I stumble, but I love you. Please don't ever question that! Through Christ we learn the love and compassion that caused and almighty God to sacrafice for us. And we learn to love in that same sense. Life may not get easier, but if easier means life without Christ and the people I love...then easy is not all it's cracked up to be.

I love my son

When I was fresh out of high school (A place I really didn't want to be) I attended Cabrillo college in Santa Cruz. I was doing it under direst seeing that I didn't want to go to college in our home town but my parents already had my brother in college and a JC fit their finances at the time. Looking back its ironic that I was upset with them because they masde a life choice for me...the irony is that I wasn't ready for any college and had not done well enough in high school to attend anything else but a JC. This is the struggle between kids and parents. Looking around it seems that the transition period in which a child grows up and a parent let's go is always bumpy. Kids want to be treated like adults but still want a safety net. Parents have a difficult time playing both...letting go while waiting for the call. In this progression from child to an adult it dawns on me that this could never be easy for anyone. The redefining of an established relationship. The previous rules and understandings are shattered and a relationship that has stood strong for 10 years has to be reconfigured, restructured, and revamped. Not any relationship, mind you, but the most intense of our lives. The central focus of a parent (other than God) is their child. In the old Testament Abraham takes Isaac his son to the top of the hill in order to sacrafice him as commanded by God. His only Son. I have struggled with this because Abraham is the only man in scripture whos righteousness was credited to him. I can honestly say that I would rather throw myself into the fires of hell then to have to make that choice between my sons and my faith. Perhaps that is the reason Abrahams faith was lauded by the old testament as righteous before an almighty God. It is a stark reminder of how far I have to go and how little of that journey I have accomplished. I was sitting on the couch with Tanner watching animal planet and he leaned over and put his head on me and we just laid watching TV till it was time to go to bed I love him more today than I did when he was born. His smile and laugh, his goofiness, even his stern looks when he gets frustrated. I sat their once again thankful that he is my son and for the young man that he is becoming. Despite my mistakes he is a wonderful kid and and a genuine person with compassion and joy. Last night I watched him sing and praise God during VBS (Vacation Bible School). I couldn't hold back the tears. As he sang "I'm trading my sorrows." He showed me again that Christ has found a home in his heart. Once again an answer to prayer and an undeserved blessing fom a gracious God. I understand that there will be a time when he will leave and I must let go. But I believe he will find his way.

When will you stand up and fight?

You're walking along one night with your girlfriend, or your parents, or kids, and a stranger begins to heckle you and threaten your family. No guns, no knives, just words. He follows you as you walk away trying to ignore the unprovoked insults he throws until finally you have had enough. How far into this scenario would that be? How much would you take? Would you immidiately defend your family and what's sacred to you...or would you pass off the stranger as an idiot thinking him only a nuisance until you get to your car, or your house? What if the words didn't stop there? What if no matter where you went, the stranger hurled his words at you; At work, at home, on television, in the newspapers? The stranger is not interested in getting to know you and your family...not interested in a deal or negotiation that would cause him to stop trying to dismantle your life. He hates you and everything you stand for. As time passes your friends and family begin to hear the strangers heckles so much that they begin to understand him, even sympathize, justify his stance. They explain away his actions by trying to understand his view, there unwillingness to fight causes them to seek some sort of safety from the words. Living their lives compromised so that the stranger does not turn to them. How long will this happen to you? How long will you allow yourself to be manipulated? When will you fight?
This morning I recieved an e-mail that said Pepsi was printing the pledge of allegiance on it's cans during the 4th of July week. They left out Under God. They didn't want to offend anyone. I am not asking anyone to be mad at Pepsi, drink as much Pepsi as you want...I love Pepsi. But when will we wake up and realize that our Country, our world, is trying to remove GOD. And although we want to get along with everyone, when will we fight for him? The Bible talks about preachers in the last days that perform miracles and drive out demons in the name of Jesus. I imagine that if the world were to end tomorrow that these would be some of the people on TV or radio, maybe not...but the bible is clear that these people performed these "miracles" all the while screaming the name of Jesus and glorifying him. Jesus says that those people will be denied access to heaven. Why? "Away from me you evil doers, I never knew you." Preachers from the pulpits denied access because they distorted Gods word to serve themselves. If there are people publicly proclaiming the name of Christ and they dont know him, then where does that leave those that won't even stand up when he is attacked. When will you fight for him? Out of schools...out of government...off TV. Make no mistake we are being attacked under the banner of inclusiveness and the fear that we would offend others. I ask this; How is the message of redemption and salvation with compassion, love, and service to all mankind offensive? Imagine the scenario: The book of life is opened and you stand before God, judged for the actions you took while on earth. Jesus looks at you with the compassion only he posesses and says "you said you believed in me a thousand times...When did you fight for me? Lord knows that in the past I have justified removing God. I am ashamed that this is the case. I listened to the stranger. I rationalized, intellectualized, and justified. I humbly present this question: If you believe in almighty God and the redemptive work of Christ. Even if you have fallen away or it's not the priority of your life. If you believe in an almighty power greater than you and this world. When will you fight for him? When will you fight for yourselves?