I hear you...but

I've always been jealous of the people that say they hear God's voice. After all is said and done I can't honestly say that I have ever heard the voice of God. At least thats what I thought. On my key chain I have that poem "footprints" where this person is walking along with God and notices that when times are hard there are only one set of footprints, but during the good times there are two. So God is asked why he left the person during hard times and God replys "It was in those times that I carried you." Several years ago I took a look back at my life, all of its twists and turns, and I marveled for just a moment at this place that I am now, given the complexity of the journey. Before I continue let me just describe this place. Many people who become christians forget who they used to be, and this really is the vast divide that seperates some people from the message. Is it true that I have been saved by a merciful God? Yes, but to divorce myself from the memory of who I was, and in many ways still am, is I think, a way that people become lost in their faith. Where I am is not a mighty man of God, or an enlightened christian. Although I can be through the power of God, Im just Matt who accepts the truth and submits himself daily to be molded and guided to fufill the purpose for which he was created.

There are many christians that walk around throwing bibles at people, warning of eternal damnation and even looking down on the lost and confused. Did it ever occur to anyone that perhaps the reason the apostle Paul was never given a gold chariot and an army of thousands to deliver the message to the gentiles was because God knew that would appeal to an entirely different part of our nature. If Paul was anything other than a beat up wanderer surviving on the donations of the people he preached to, than many would be converted for their love of what Paul had. They would be attracted to christianity because of the gain they desired in their own wordly life. With Paul being such a bum, those that were converted did so on the strength of the message. And it was a pretty grand message. "Believe and you will have eternal life." That's a pretty good deal if you ask me! All I have to do is believe and I'm in...essentially yes. But the message did not look very appealing to look at Paul, The choice to become a believer was rooted in ones desire to know God and believe in the message of salvation through Christ. That in a nutshell is where I am. It is where I will remain in this life. Knowing God requires alot. Faith, study, submission, obedience, relationship, worship, and a host of other things in no specifc order.

I hold no special place in the heart of God because I seek him, He loves me no more than the sinner that has not turned to him for relationship and fufillment. This is the purpose of the parable Jesus gave us about the prodigal son. The brother had done everything right and yet when the prodigal son returned there was fanfare and feasts that had never been enjoyed by the brother who remained faithful to his father. The message was that God is seeking the lost, he rejoices in their return because they chose him over the world. Although he loved the brother's equally, his joy was that the prodigal son was lost, but now is found.

So what is it that draws the contaigous christian to God. Certainly not wealth, the bible says that it is more difficult for the rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven, compared to a camel passing through the eye of a needle. Or gain in any other wordly sense. In fact Christ is remarkably clear about what you must give up, all of yourself. I struggle with this alot. Keeping or coveting just a portion of what we like in this world invites satan to place a seed in our garden and in the end we convince ourselves or allow ourselves to be convinced of all sorts of things. Let me see if I can hit a chord.

"The bible isn't to be taken literally, merely as sort of a guideline for our lives, it's contradictary and furthrmore modern Science has debunked alot of the old testament stuff, open minded people that look at facts would find themselves hard pressed to believe in creationism, or even a divine being. With all the different faiths out there it's obvious that there might be a God they are all talking about but there is no reason to believe that the bible is anymore than another depiction of him. One must search themselves to find what they believe and what works for them.

People...everything I just wrote came from the mouth of Christians!!! Have you ever said variations of those comments? I KNOW I have. In an attempt to appease or fit in or water down the intensity of the committment I allowed myself to be sold on a lesser bill of goods. It feels less guilt ridden when I can compartmentalize my faith. Surely I 'm a christian but can't be bothered by matters that are outdated and surely not applicable to today!

But is that the truth?

Last week at church we continued in a series pertaining to the ten commandments. It was an incredibly emotional day for me. On the one hand was this very powerful music, and as I closed my eyes to be with God I realized that to my right was my wife, my 6 month old daughter, my mother, and above all my sister Maryn. As i watched them sing and worship, I found myself struggling to contain the emotion of gratitude and amazement. Maryn lives far away and although she attends her own Church, once again standing together in Gods presence meant something very profound to me and it was made very clear in that moment that God hears prayer. But what was also clear is that something had changed over the course of my life and I can never go back. I can never unknow what I have come to know or more truthfully, I can never again turn my back on what has been written on my heart since I was created.

We can tell ourselves a whole host of things that explain away our need to come to grips with who our creator is. We can use our keen imagination and intelect to hypothesize god out of existance. We can tread along for years coming up with all sorts of reasons that the spirits call on our life is nothing more than an over active concience, some residual lesson from firm parents maybe? or (and I fit this category) merely a suggestion for a better life, rather than the full expression of the authors intent. Have you, like myself, been whispered to for years? Have you, like myself, thought that you could have the best of both worlds, content to pay lip service to your alligience to a church, a religon, or even Christ himself with out truly understanding it? I have said many times I speak humbly and on bended knee. No judgemnt, it is only for him to judge...no condemnation as their can be none from the previously condemned...no gimmicks, variations, marketing, or subtext. Seek the truth and the truth will be revealed to you. I said at the beginning I never heard the voice of God until last Sunday and you know what he said in deafening thunder, "I have been here all along"

A promise

After several weeks off from blogging I was excited to again be able to write about the things that I think about. Bloggging is a bit of a release for me and I really enjoy reading the blogs as sort of a history of where I've been and where I am going. I can update people as to the events in our life and you can say I get as much out of it as anyone else...weather they agree with me or not. After some criticism early on I accepted that not everyone would agree with what I said and was comfortable with that. In this life I have played the follower, it didn't suit me. But when people I respect criticize what I say or think, I listen. Perhaps there was a time I did not and I thought that in order to be strong we must stand against the tide of criticism and rebuke, especially in a biblical sense. However, it has been revealed to me that without changing ideals or opinions, criticism can open up pathways if you allow them too. There are smart people, dedicated people, loving people that don't see things as I do and relationships that are far stronger than any criticism leveled.

Yesterday Grayson was tryingto be funny for his parents and he wrote on a sign PU and taped it to his butt. His butt is a source of great laughter lately and he can't even hear the word without bursting into laughter. We told him the sign was inappropriate and so he took off and we thought it was the end of it. He returned a short time later with another sign, Ihat you. He meant I hate you and for some reason he thought it was funny because he was laughing. I immidiately scolded him for the content of the sign and although my tone and words where calm, he realized what he had said and went into his room and began to cry. I knew he was hurting, Grayson is very loving and when he realized what he had done, he felt ashamed and he knew he could not take it back, I walked into the room put my arms around him and said "Son, do you think that daddy believes that in life you will make no mistakes? He looked perplexed..." I repeated the question and he put his head in my shoulder. I was not mad about the sign, I only felt it incumbent upon me as his Dad to point out the error.

This is how I view criticism, my intent is not always clear, and my words not always carefully chosen. Passion gets the better of me sort of like humor got the better of Grayson. So I make a promise, In the future any political blog will contain factual, poiniant, and relevant material to underscore any opinion I may have. I will refrain from cursing in that it isn't necessary and in some respects damaging.

That being said, I am still just as passionately opposed to the direction of our Nation and the proposed policies of this current administration. I have arrived at my conclusions with a careful and realistic look into history. But a loved one has shown me that perhaps how a dish is served is as important as what is on it. I thank him for that.

Lastly, don't worry this is still a blog that is only 20% political. I am far more passionate about my family and the work that Christ is doing in my life and the lives of people around me. And that will continue to be the focus because that is what is in my heart