From the heart

For the longest time I have felt a little uncomfortable about what I have posted on the blog. I wanted to use this forum to share the gospel of Christ as well as keep people updated on what has been happening in our lives. It seemed like such a good idea and I have really enjoyed the comments. But with every good thing, it seems, comes challenges. You see being raised as a Catholic and a believer, I assumed that the people that I loved and cared about had received the same message that I had received. I assumed that whatever their relationship with Christ, they believed in his sacrifice for their sin and the redemption found only in his saving grace. Having navigated the pitfalls, and having faced many of the challenges, I merely accepted that like me, those I love where struggling to be Christlike in an ungodly world. Like me they understood that there where principles passed down from a living God, that if used as a foundation, would create a peaceful, meaningful existence that glorified him. This idea has never been easy and I never wanted to present it as such. In fact, I humbly present the word of God not from a position of authority or judgement, but from my heart with the comfort of forgiveness received and the joy of bearing witness to true love and boundless mercy. You see I had hoped that people would be enriched and served by something I may have said. Perhaps there would be a sticky point in which they would examine for themselves what it is they believed and why they believed it. If this is the reaction you have had, than I am glad...even if you disagreed with what I may have said. Ten years ago on a car ride to visit a friend, my faith was challenged indirectly. The conversation was brief but that moment stood as a turning point in my life. I had to ask myself what it was that I believed and why...and then I had to start living my life by what I claimed to be. No more pretending. No more could I live my life in the manner I was living it and claim to be a good person, a godly person. The spirit had been whispering for years, I chose not to listen. Stark biblical principles that I had chosen to mask over the years became abundantly clear and I was forced to give tremendous weight to what I knew in my heart to be the inspired word of God. To be Frank, (or Matt...ha ha) I never really put that much time and effort into knowing what scripture really said and over the years I was able to water down my faith enough to live very separate identities. I felt blessed in a prideful way to minister to people through the Search program and I took great pride in my participation in music ministry and youth services. I was surrounded by a body of believers and I enjoyed the life of a pronounced christian that was doing work for the kingdom. But as soon as I left the halls of the Church. the facade came crashing to the ground. Although I never denounced my faith, I certainly did not proclaim it. Choosing to stay hidden and participating in all sorts of things that where devastating to my relationship with Christ and an assault on true happiness and peace. By keeping myself biblically illiterate, I was able to have the best of both worlds. I was the master of my life, doing what I wanted outside the safety of the church, and paying lip service to the creator when it was convenient for me to do so. I realized that this duality is exactly why Christ said " it is impossible to serve two masters." Deep down I knew that although I wanted to keep score of all that I had done over the years for the church, and all of the good things about me, and all of the ways I felt God was part of my life, in the end, I was serving myself. A tremendous weight began to bear down on my heart. After all those years I forgot who my saviour was and I was ashamed. Although I had given my heart to Christ as a teen-ager, somewhere in the hustle and bustle of growing up, I took it back and gave in to sin. My faith was a empty and meaningless. I had sacrificed nothing of myself for the one who sacrificed it all. I had destroyed Godly relationships, turned from him at every corner, and my world view was that of an existence in which God was part of life, not the meaning for it. As I dipped even further into depravity, the easier it was to mute the spirit that convicted me daily. I was worse than the agnostic or atheist. I had been touched by God, given glimpses throughout my life of his greatness and mercy. I had ridden the wave of love and fellowship knowing about Christ brings. By turning from him,I felt like a traitor. I wish I could tell you that from that point forward, the Spirit of God came crashing down upon me and I was filled with peace and the angels sang and my heart was changed. Make no mistake about it...my heart was changed in that moment, but God knew that my faith would remain empty unless I was forced to suffer for it. At that point in my life I was no longer headed in the wrong direction, but the destination was far off and every step would require sacrifice and determination. I would be forever challenged to renew my commitment to God daily and I would be required to prove my faith not to God, or to anyone else, but to myself. At first I attacked the challenge with vigor and fierce determination, but the daily grind of a worldly life began to erode my conviction. Ironically, however, God instilled a thirst and a passion I had never known. Equipping me with the tools I needed to face the onslaught from the outside world but even more surprising, the resistance and shocking disbelief of those that I thought had excepted the salvation of Christ but like me had fallen away. This has been the most difficult thing I have faced. Through forgiveness, Christ has shown me an encompassing consuming love that could not be restrained, and ultimately opened my eyes and my heart. I love more, listen more, care more, forgive more and naturally want to share this with everyone. But in my haste to share the gospel with excitement I realized that I had become the person that might inadvertently close the door to someones discovery because I was over zealous. Wow! a true sinners sinner, the lowest of the low. I thought that maybe because I was such an ass for so long that it would give me spiritual street cred (so to speak). People would be more open to talk with someone who truly saw themselves as unworthy. I have to admit that one of the things I have learned about God is that he rarely does things the way you think. In the movie Evan Almighty God asks "When someone asks for patience, do you think God gives them patience? or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? When someone asks for courage does he provide courage or the opportunity to be courageous? I hope and pray that before i leave this world at least one heart will have come to Christ not because I led them, but because they saw Gods work in me and where moved to know more, feel more, pray more. That is a life worth living.

The wisdom of youth

I'm back

Sorry for the long break...The other day while Wendy was breast feeding Sierra, Grayson asked if he could feed her with his breasts. Wendy calmly responded with no it is only something that Mommies can do. Grayson paused looked at his chest and candidly asked. Then why do I have nipples?

I should wright a book entitled "Why do I have nipples"...the inner thoughts of Grayson. It's interesting to watch Grayson grow up especially during this time. Sierra has really moved in and took over baby status and in the short time that we have been home, alot of our attention has been on the baby. I ran into one of our friends at the grocery store the other day and I told her that as much practice as we have had with newborns and babies, it really feels like we are starting all over again. It takes a while before you stop calculating every move every single time you hold the baby. Ok support the head, careful, not to fast, be gentle shes little, watch the soft spot, wash your hands, and waking up everytme the baby peeps. That lasts for about a week. By the end of next week we'll be tossing her across the room like a football. I know I am biased but is she not the most adorable baby. It's a good thing I married out of my league.

I got to see cousin Kev for a short time last Thursday, what a blessing.

a big giant Thank you goes out to mom who stayed and "helped" the first week. Helped meaning cooked, cleaned, took the kids to school, organized the calendar, painted the livingroom, watched the baby, helped with homework, and a dozen other things. I'm sure we would not have had such a smooth transition with out her help.

Ti Ti and Unnle have come to see there niece. I always enjoy when my brother and sister come visit.

Ok this one is quick I have a lot to say but I'll have to come back later

She's Here!

She's here, she's a blessing, and we are so happy enjoy the pics