The unspoken

We live in a world of unspoken...Sure we like to think of ourselves as assertive and forthright, honest to a fault. But we're not. What is it that we don't say you ask? How about I love you? Does anyone out there want to claim that they are just tired of all the people they told I love you too today? Has there ever been an over use of that sentence? How about I miss you, or I know your sick, but I have trouble facing that. We live in a world where our inner most thoughts, fears, tribulations, and feelings stay masked, sometimes for too long. The risk of saying exactly how you feel is imeasurable. Some won't agree, others will misunderstand, still others will be offended or hurt, and lastly some will be enriched, fufilled, comforted, helped, and enlightened by the words we fail to say and the feelings we fail to show. Even while crafting this blog youll notice that my own brain was wired to list those outcomes that were scary first. Not a new thought...I know. Can't tell you how many floral shaped sunsets with footprints on sandy beach e mails I get with this very advice and usually a mandate to send it on to 7 ( not five, not eight) of the people I care most about. If I don't then I am sure a piano will land on my head or worse, and god forbid I don't send it back to the sender...sorry Mom. But the underlying reason that we get these type of e-mails, and texts in my experience, is because as we get older, we realize all of the things we should have said. Hampered by pride, embarassment, shyness, guilt, pick your fence...the moment escapes us, the sentiment lost, sometimes forever. Maybe your like me and giving someone a peice of your mind isn't all that hard. Firing off a wise crack or standing your ground has never been and never will be as courageous as affection, forgiveness, acceptance, and love. In the middle of throwing a baseball with Tanner yesterday and contemplating this very thing, I blurted out "I Love You." It was incredibly awkward and I could see that he was unprepared for it. I must not say it enough. He giggled and saved me the embarassment by tossing the ball at least 8 feet over my head. Unusual for him. I could fill volumes with all of the things I don't say and in a tragic twist would probably be twice as uplifting, and supportive as the dribble that pours out of my mouth daily. I sometimes wish I had realized the damage created by playing it safe. One last conversation...it wouldnt take long. I loved you grandma, you always made me feel important and I loved the way you worshiped in ways I am only just beginning to understand. I miss you gram, you taught me what it is to listen and love. I thought of you grampy at work when I slid the radio channel to the Giants game and found myself wishing I had spent more time listening with you. I was scared Nana when I saw you in the hospital losing to cancer. I ran away and tried to hide, If I could do it again I'd do it different. I miss you Nanu, you always made me feel safe. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you. Jack, I hope you were proud to have me be with Wendy, I loved you and I never told you. A stare into the distance that indicates she has left here and has entered the world of memories. I can always tell when my wife is reflecting. I try not to go there. In a way, however, I can always find things that i didn't say to those that arent with us anymore...what about the ones we ignore? Just because you speak with someone everyday does not mean you SPEAK to them. I would not take for granted that those you love most know it! It's unlikely that the reason relationships are damaged is because we said "I love you" , "I care about you", "My life would be forever altered if I didn't have you." And in this game I would rather pay too much for it. Don't wheel and deal your affection based on the tides of life. In fact, It might be worth noting that people weather the most insufferable grievances by turning to the offender and saying I love you. Im pretty sure thats exactly what Christ asked us to do. In this lies the strength of character we try to achieve. His character can be aspired to in speaking the unspoken. Here it goes....I....I....I.....love cookies, Ok I need work.