No Grayson

Because I have comitted myself to God I think things unfold in the way that they do because of a divine plan. Some people think the divine plan means that they will be healthy and wealthy and that all things bad in life are punishment by God for some wrong you've comitted or a secret sin your holding on to. While I agree that continued sin in your life will take from your relationship with God and create difficulty, I believe that the good and the percieved bad are all part of God's plan. Again how to we learn to be strong, patient, loving, giving, humble, and sacraficing if we never have the opurtunity to have any of those attributes challenged. And so God places us in situations in order to learn, grow, and sometimes be reminded of what matters most to us. Last night was just one of those oppurtunities.
After spending all day at the kids school for their Fall festival...Grayson and Tanner wanted to stay with me at the festival while my wife who came for several hours (bless her heart) was tired and wanted to go home to feed Sierra. She agreed to leave the kids with me and she would be back in about an hour to pick up the boys while I stayed to help clean up. The boys had been playing games and running around all day but they still wanted to toss a foot ball around. There where probably 1000 people still at the festival and we ended up tossing the pig skin around for awhile until suddenly it happened. I turned around for a moment and Grayson was gone. Not 10 seconds had passed and I didn't see him. I asked Tanner if he saw his brother leave, and began searching the immidiate area thinking he couldn't have gone far...he didn't have enough time. A quick search and no Grayson, my pace quickened. I began to briskly walk to all of the places that would interest him, my heart began to beat rapidly and all my training at work that keeps me calm in crisis situations began to erode...I was worried. After about 2 minutes of searching which of course seemed like forever I began to realize that I had covered all the bases...every room knook and obvious cranny he might be in. I began to call his name, I instructed Tanner to split up and search seperately, I started telling everyone we knew (which was alot of people)and they began o search as well. My brisk walk became a run, 4-5 minutes had passed and No Grayson. My heart was not only rapid but beating hard, My eyes began to well up with tears and the worst began to cross my mind and I began to pray. I saw Tanner, walking towards me but No Grayson. He then informed me that Mom was here (If I wasn't in a state of panic before, that definitely pushed me over the edge)I ran back and forth through the festival calling his name and employing the help of everyone I could find. Wendy and I crossed paths and her face reflected everything I was feeling. And then one more corner and there he was. Our next door neigboor found him ambling through the parked cars next to where we playing football. He had gone back to the barbeque area to get his drink he had left and was walking through the cars to get back. Steve the guy that lives next door told him his mom was looking for him but Grayson refused to go at first saying No I'm looking for my Dad. Only when I saw him did I realize the tremendous weight I was carrying around for the last 7 minutes. The world stood still and I held him close to me. I took him to his Mom immidiately and they, after a little bit of tears, loaded up and went back home. When I got home, my wife was still upset (I understand), and wanted me to talk to Grayson sternly about taking off. She walked into the bedroom so that I could have a serious conversation with him about leaving without telling anyone. I got the Dad stern face and walked around the counter where Grayson was sitting. I glared at him wanting him to know I meant business. His head bowed because he knew he was in trouble and he looked up at my deadly serious face with only his eyes. My expression didn't change. Just then I could see a smile in the corner of his mouth. He knew he was busted but the long stare became a little uncomfortable and he nervously smiled and put his hand over his mouth. It was the cutest thing you've ever seen. I lost it, I began to cry and I grabbed him up in my arms and held him smiling and crying at the same time. I whispered to him I couldn't imagine my life without you and I carried him to bed and tucked him in. In the hustle and bustle of a new baby and a busy life, God reminded me what my son Grayson means to me and the desperate empty hole that would be left in my heart if anything where to ever happen to him. I couldn't be more grateful.`

The best

Today I went to the gym where I ran into this friend of ours. She smiled and made her way across the room and said "I just have to say that your daughter is perfect" An Interesting way of describing her but I could not agree more. Her litle face seems to light up when you talk to her, her hands motioning in different directions, you can almost see the desire for her to communicate. Her little eyes and ears perfectly wrapped around that button nose and those pursed little lips that remind me of Tanner when he was an infant. The way her hair and skin smell when she has had her bath. The soft silkiness of her hair. The strength of her grasp in such delicate little fingers. Her olive skin and dainty arms and legs. Can you tell I'm a just a little head over heels. A daughter...you know it still freaks me out when people ask me how many kids I have and I tell them that I have three. Almost like I have THREE! Holy Crap. (Im a big fan of the dad on everybody loves Raymond). She's my little goober and I can't help but kiss her all the time. Apparantly she isn't just my goober because everyone who meets her thinks she is just the best...maybe that's just what people say but I don't care. God saw it in his providence to grant us a little angel. And I will spend the rest of my life endevoured to the same committment I gave to my sons. To raise her under his grace, in the tradition of my own parents and that of my in-laws, to be...in this life...everything god has prepared for her. I wonder how she will live, what she will see and experience. I wonder what challenges she will face and what memories she'll carry with her. I couldn't imagine the journey, so helpless, so fragile, that Tanner would make when he was a newborn. But now I see it for what it is and realize that I just don't have that much time. In a flash she will be telling me shes getting married..........Sorry I just passed out for a brief moment. But now I can hold her close to me, the smell of her soft little skin and the baby blanket, her eyes closed in perfect peace under the blanket of love and protection she trusts me with. This is the love only parents can share with their childeren (OK maybe grandparents...I heard the heavy breathing as soon as I wrote the line, dont break a hip) But an all consuming love and devotion. This is the best!!!